Several months ago I photographed a BMX championship race. (Bicycle Motocross or BMX is a name of a cycling sport in which the main goal is extreme racing on bicycles in Motocross style on tracks with in line start and expressive obstacles). This was a first time for me and I was really impressed with the speed, agility and outright guts of the kids (as young as five) and adults (as young as 55) who were racing. It looked like fun so I decided to get a bike. It had only been 50 years since I’d ridden but you know what they say about riding a bike.
I thought I’d inch my way into it. Instead of buying a bike, I borrowed my 5’10” sister-in-law’s bicycle. She and my brother were serious cyclist at one time but she’d hung-up her spokes several years ago. I’m glad it wasn’t a girly bike, but it wasn’t a Tour de Francer either.
Since it had been piled in the garage for several years, I took it to the Richardson Bike Mart to be overhauled. Sixty bucks later I wedged it into the back of Tonda’s (my wife) station wagon and headed home anxious for my first ride in the aforementioned five decades.
I arrived home about mid-afternoon - mid-afternoon in Texas translates to approximately 100ยบ. I dug through my clothes drawer, found my shorts, sweat socks and a presentable T-shirts. Tonda is watching all this with a slight smirk of her face. I wheeled the bike out to our driveway and prepared to ride the two wheeled recreational vehicle.
How do I get on? Did I say it had been 50 years? I thought back to how I used to do it. It’s kind of like mounting a horse but no stirrups right? Okay, you back the left pedal around to the bottom, place your left foot on it and swing your right leg over the seat and onto the right pedal and ride. Right? Did I mention that I’m out of shape, a bit under 5’5” and 70 pounds heavier than I was in high school, well that presented a problem. Diane was 5’10” so her bicycle’s seat was much higher than I expected it to be and my mounting was not a pretty picture. The bicycle seat must be lowered, a lot. I hadn’t ridden an inch and already had a scuffed knee.
I lowered the seat and was again ready to begin my initial bicycle tour around the greenbelt. I mentally reviewed my mounting technique, got on and peddled somewhat shakily off. I could see my wife out of the corner of my eye holding her cell phone. Later she confessed she’d already dialed 91.
The bike had 18 gears or speeds, some for the front and some for the rear. I had no idea how to change them so as I rode I changed them at random. There are no real hills (actually they were slopes and someone from W. Virginia would probably say it was flat). When I came to my first “hill” the bike was in the gear/speed you should normally use on truly flat terrain. The pedals almost came to a complete stop as I strained to make them cycle. So, to make a short story longer, the bike fell over, luckily, onto the grass. Do you remember Artie Johnson from Laugh-In when he’d ride the tricycle and fall over? This was very similar except he was wearing a raincoat.
That was six weeks ago and I’m doing much better. The biggest problem came when I had to situate my, err, physical equipment in a comfortable manner on the sadistically designed bicycle seat. I spent most of each ride situating myself.
Back to the bike shop where I whispered my situation to the salesman. He laughed and said you need to get a different seat. We found one that looked obscenely like what was causing the problem. As I was leaving, he mentioned, while motioning toward the clothing section, that I ought to get male riding pants to replace my shorts. You know, the ones like Lance Armstrong and the boys wear while cycling through the hills.
I found a large black nylon/spandex one with a padded crotch pad. New seat and a padded crotch pad, that ought to do it. So for 4-5 mornings a week I peddle off at dawn to do battle with the joggers, walkers, dog exercisers, serious bikers and old fogies like me.
After a while, I realized that even with the seat lowered the bike was too large, so yesterday I shopped for a new bike, a bicycle made for me.
Bikes come in many sizes but the “standard” for adults is 26”. I looked at a sporting goods store and they had a lot of bikes but they were either cross country type, girly bikes (Why do they have that big dip on the frame when you’d think boys needed it more), or too small. The price was right, but they didn’t have anything that would be better than what I was already riding. So I returned to the Richardson Bike Mart where they had literally thousands of bikes.
I was met by Doug, who looked fit enough to train Navy Seals, as I walked into the store. I explained what I needed and he decided a 19” bike was my size- gad no wonder I was having problems.
He spotted one on the third tier up from the floor, scampered up the ladder like a young squirrel, grabbed a pole, stuck it in something on the bike and lifted it out like a feather. He placed it on the floor and guided me to the alley which I’m sure they call the Le Test Track.
I loved it and cost only $500 (they had bikes approaching $3000, while my first car only cost $750). The first thing I did upon getting home was to take it for a spin around the greenbelt. It was great and I wished I had a yellow jersey to pull on after I swung into the driveway. By the way, I’ve lost five pounds and the knee scab has practically disappeared.
Famous Short People
Alexander Pope, English poet - 4’6”
Olga Korbet, Olympic gymnast 4’11”
Dolly Parton - 5’
John Keats, English poet - 5’
Debbie Reynolds, singer/actress - 5’1”
Prince, singer composer - 5’2”
Your Gagarin, Russian and first human in outer space - 5’2”
Nikita Khruschev, Premier of the Soviet Union - 5’3”
Mickey Rooney - 5’3”
James Madison, President of the United States - 5’4”
Baby Face Nelson, gangster - 5’4”
Barbara Streisand 5’4”
Claire Danes, actress - 5’5”
Tom Cruise - 5’7”
Trivia question of the day
(Try it without Google)
The answer will be in tomorrow’s blog.
Yesterday’s Question: Who was the first hitter to hit a home run in the Astrodome?
Mickey Mantle - 1965
Today’s Trivia: From what bicycle shop did Lance Armstrong’s mother purchase his first bike?
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